We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
