This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
