Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
