Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
