I want to stick my p in your. b.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
