I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
