Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
