i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
