not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
