I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
