You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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