I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
