walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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