i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
