doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You smell like stripper and shame
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
