went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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