hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
