Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
