I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
