I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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