I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
