I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
