Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Green mimosas i think yes
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
