Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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