He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
