so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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