Kiss
Puke
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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