He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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