Your mouth is God's brothel.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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