tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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