ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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