I bet he comes in French.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
