I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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