I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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