Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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