I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
