we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
