i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
