I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
