ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize