I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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