he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize