we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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