Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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