I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
please come you make the beer taste better
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
