did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
