he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
