I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
