I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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