im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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