I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
