I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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