Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
