He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
