The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
