well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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