Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
