who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
