oh god the rape fog is back!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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