i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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