He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
