I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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