A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
